As a psychologist working in the field of surrogacy, one of the most common questions I have received is, “Why would anyone agree to be a Surrogate?” This question is also asked a million times over of each of our surrogates. There are some very common misconceptions about the women who choose to become Surrogates. Some think these women do it only for the money, others think they have to be crazy. But in all actuality, these two things couldn’t be further from the truth. First and foremost, these women go through a rigorous psychological evaluation, so they are most certainly not crazy. They are, however, different. I always say that most women could not and/or should not be surrogates, present company included.
Surrogacy requires an ability to be loving and nurturing of the baby growing inside of them, and then be able to let that baby go. For most people, that would be nearly impossible. But Surrogates think of it differently. They aren’t thinking about the relationship they are building with the baby, but rather the gift they are helping to create for their Intended Parents. Many surrogates I have spoken to have talked about the attachment being stronger with their Intended Parents than with the baby. They care and nurture the baby because they care for their Intended Parents. And the responsibility that comes with that is felt heavily for these women.
The next question comes down to motives. One thing that I have heard surrogates say again and again to others that are considering surrogacy is that money CANNOT be your only motive. Certainly, the money helps. It helps them buy a home, put their child through college, or help support their family. But, no amount of money will get a woman through the emotional roller coaster that is surrogacy. Surrogacy, in all of its beauty, is also something that turns the lives of surrogates and their families upside down. These women put their health, well-being, and yes, even their lives on the line to help their Intended Parents achieve a dream.
For Surrogates, the motive is much more than money, it’s a calling. It is their chance to help others, to do good, to make dreams come true. These women, being parents themselves, know the joy that comes with being a parent. They strongly believe that everyone should be able to experience that joy and they see an opportunity to help. Many of these women have a strong desire to do good in one way or another, but not everyone can be a doctor, not everyone has the means to help financially, or the time to go out and volunteer. Yet they long to do something bigger than themselves. That is where surrogacy comes in. This is their chance to help, to give a gift. And what greater gift is there than the gift of parenthood.